


Sucker Love

by sinaddict



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-08
Updated: 2004-12-08
Packaged: 2017-10-08 08:19:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/74581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinaddict/pseuds/sinaddict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was like him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sucker Love

**Author's Note:**

> Speculation on spoilers for episode 13.

**01\. carve your name into my arm**

The night he found out that Lilly was gone forever, Logan locked himself in his bathroom and took apart his razor until he was just staring down at the cool steel blade and the light reflecting off of it. He proceeded to drag the blade across the inside of his left arm until the letters L-I-L-L-Y faced him, red dripping down his arm and staining his shirt.

Veronica found him like that two hours later.

She didn't ask why he'd done it. She didn't need to.

He'd rolled up her sleeve and found the same letters staring back at him on the inside of her elbow, in bright pink pen that Lilly would've adored, with a little heart dotting the 'i' like Lilly always did when she wrote them notes in the middle of American History while the teacher droned on about something she insisted she'd never need to know in the real world.

From that instant, Logan knew that Veronica was _like him_.

~

**02\. too much poison come undone**

When Logan was four, he threw a temper tantrum in the middle of his father's interview segment for a special on celebrities in their homes. His mother had just taken him aside to inform him that his grandmother had died, before sending him back out to sit next to his father and smile politely.

Once the cameras were gone, he got a broken arm for his trouble.

Since then, he's learned that what hurts physically distracts from other kinds of pain he can't deal with as easily. Three days after Lilly died, he deliberately wrecked his father's BMW while illegally street racing with open containers of alcohol in the car.

He didn't think about Lilly until the following morning when the pills his mother slipped in his hand after his father's punishment started wearing off. But the pain from his father still couldn't distract him from losing Lilly.

By dusk, Veronica was curled up in his arms at Dog Beach.

He vaguely wondered why comforting her while she cried kept his mind away from Lilly almost better than his father beating him did. He decided he probably didn't want to really know the answer.

~

**03\. it's only comfort, calling late**

The night after Lilly's funeral, Logan kissed Veronica for the first time. He had himself halfway convinced that she tasted like Lilly, could almost pretend that she felt like Lilly beneath his hands.

And she kissed him like she was as alone as he was.

He knew she'd understand. She was _like him_.

They never fucked. Veronica was still a virgin and Logan wouldn't take that from her for his own comfort. But they came close enough that Logan could still taste Veronica on his lips sometimes late at night, could still feel the softness of her skin beneath his fingers if he focused enough.

Sometimes, in the dark of his room, he let himself miss it.

~

**04\. i know I'm selfish, i'm unkind**

There was no dramatic fight that ended things between them. Neither of them were prone to melodrama or scenes. The things between them that they never bothered to put a name to faded away as secretly as they had developed. _Your dad is wrong,_ Logan had told her as she laid in his arms quietly.

_I believe in him,_ Veronica had replied, and in that instant Logan wanted to hate her because she was _like him_ and her loyalty should have been to her friends first, not her family. He'd have put her before his parents any day, without any hesitation, and he wanted to hate her because she wouldn't do the same.

But he couldn't. She was _like him_.

And he'd never let her know that he understood.

Instead, he tormented her as thoroughly as possible and made sure everyone else did the same. He made her life miserable whenever the opportunity arose to hide from Duncan that at one point he had cared a little too much about his best friend's girl. (And to this day, Logan knew Duncan still considered Veronica his.) But he never, never used Lilly against her. Never taunted her about the way she had sounded with his name on her lips in his bed.

Logan may have been deliberately cruel to her, but there were lines he wouldn't cross.

She never crossed them, either.

~

**05\. i always find someone to bruise and leave behind**

The night his mother killed herself, Logan found himself at Veronica's door without any real memory of how he got there. His father was too busy playing the grieving widower for the press to care what kind of trouble Logan got in at the moment, and while Duncan would have understood his loss, he knew that Duncan couldn't take away from the pain eating at him inside.

Veronica was the only one who'd ever been able to do that. She was _like him_.

When she opened the door, the look that crossed her face was part suspicion and part concern, but she didn't give him an ounce of pity that would have made him choke with anger as she demanded, "What do you want, Logan?"

He heard his voice as if it was far away and not his own. "My mother's dead."

Veronica didn't give him the standard, "I'm so sorry for your loss," bit that everyone else had given him in the last twelve hours. She just opened the door wider. Her hand rested on his forearm as she pulled him inside. "How?"

"Valium and vodka, probably," Logan let her direct him to the couch without protest. Her hand was still on his arm and he wouldn't admit that it was finally taking his mind away from his mother. "There wasn't any blood."

She frowned at him, concern taking over the suspicion in her eyes as she studied him, and the motion of her thumb stroking back and forth over his arm was so comforting it almost frightened him, because she was Veronica and they were supposed to hate each other now. "You saw her?"

"I found her."

A quick, sharp little inhalation of breath was the only sign she heard him, but he was vaguely grateful that she didn't start pitying him, even then. She didn't say anything for a long moment, until Logan turned his head to find her watching him.

She didn't give him words of comfort. She knew that he wasn't looking for them.

Logan kissed her again, and this time he didn't try to convince himself she tasted like Lilly. She tasted like Veronica, felt like Veronica beneath his fingers, and the vice around his heart since he realized his mother was gone now the way that Lilly was gone eased just enough that he could breathe again.

The breathless way she said his name was almost enough to make him forget, and a thousand beatings from his father could never take the pain away like an instant with Veronica beneath him could.

And he knew she'd understand.

She was _like him_.


End file.
